Why do we keep sex, love, and marriage as if one cannot and should not ever happen without the others?
There exists sex without love, and love without sex.
Sex without love happens all the time, unfortunately. Some people believe that sex is the same as love (its not). Certainly, sex with love is much preferable to sex without love, but it should never be the price of love. Love without sex happens even more often, as people can love one another without even a thought of having sex with them.
There exists love without marriage and marriage without love.
Love without marriage can happen for any period of time, with anyone at all. In marriage, you can certainly love someone other than your spouse, even at the same time as your spouse. Marriage can even happen with people who do not love each other at all, not only at the beginning of a marriage but at any time throughout.
There exists marriage without sex and sex without marriage.
Sex is not requisite in marriage. Children think married people are having sex all the time. We eat up every study that passes through that says that married people are having more sex than we are having, then start to think our marriage is going bad because we’re not having enough sex.
Yes, sex, love, and marriage are complimentary in that they can enhance each other, but they can also damage each other. Demands for sex can hurt a marriage, a forced marriage because of sex can hurt everyone involved. Giving sex to try and get love can be devastating. There is, however, a preferred order to this, but without some maturity on the part of both parties involved, all of it will cause more harm than good.
Sex is pretty simple – getting erotic pleasure that hopefully results in a strong rush of endorphins. It happens in all sorts of ways. It can lead to procreation (intentionally or not). It can cause feelings of happiness, but can also cause feelings of despair.
In my beliefs, sex is for strengthening marriage and having children. That’s it. Anything else is a cheap imitation, numbing the spirit and senses to the reality.
Love is far from simple. These days, people barely talk about love as it may be construed in a way they did not mean. For example, I’m sure Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street love each other; they care about each others well being and share the good time and bad. It’s unfortunate, however, that Sesame Street has had to put out a statement that they are not gay. Men avoid going anywhere near love, fearing they will be thought of as gay. Some even decide they are gay simply because they love someone of the same gender.
Love should happen all the time, married or not, involving sex or not. It helps draw us together and improves the world around us by caring for someone outside of ourselves.
Marriage was originally a Covenant – a contract between a man, a woman, and God. Recently that has shifted into the State serving the contract, leaving God out of it altogether. As a result, a marriage contract is virtually meaningless. People only stay together as long as they want, the only thoughts being toward what would happen to the children or how it would affect them financially then the marriage ended. The State itself has vast differences in how it treats and taxes people who are and who are not married. This is why I would prefer the State get out of marriage altogether. It has no reasons to be involved; no one is arrested on charges of adultery or family abandonment; no one is forced by the State to get married. Spousal abuse is just as damaging as any other abuse (though easier to exploit).
Marriage without God is a very loose and easily breakable contract.
To me, each of these, sex, love, and marriage, has its place, and all of them can enhance and strengthen the others if those involved work to be more selfless toward those they are involved with. Used selfishly, all of these can hurt you and others around you.